Endrit, it is always such a pleasure to read your essays. Every time you submit a controlled assessment you demonstrate tangible improvement in your writing style and depth of analysis. In particular the strengths of this essay are in how you are now writing very clear statements that state your position and when you use quotations you explore them more fully. You’re using much more sophisticated sentence constructions which is in turn allowing you to express more subtle, comparative ideas.
To develop your work further you will want to:
- Use a much wider range of supporting quotations. Every time you make a point or a statement and every time you discuss an effect in a text, use a quotation to support it.
- Remember to identify the differences or similarities between the two texts in terms of ideas and language as you go through the essay – don’t limit this just to the introduction
- Prepare yourself better by developing a set of observations (in this case about women’s emotions) and find supporting quotations before you go into the assessment
- Interrogate the language further, finding and explaining more language devices each time you use a quotation.
Gattaca
Controlled assessment
Endrit Rexhepi
Here I am, the lowest of the low, a cleaner. I don’t know how I’ve got here, but I am and I just want a better job. There is no respect for people like me anymore, people just see my uniform and look at me shamelessly. I was born on the 28th of March 1990, and I grew up with only my mum, I don’t know my dad. I never liked school, so I never went, but I regret this now as I have one of the worst paid jobs possible.
I now live alone in a one bedroom house, I hardly call this a home. This is one of the reasons why I want a better job, so I can live in a place I can call home. This is where I do nothing, I just wait here for tomorrow to do some more cleaning, well that is what my life consists of.
The next day I was on my way to the bank I usually clean, I looked up into the sky to see how the weather was like, but here inLondon, it is always dark and miserable. As I walked slowly to the bank, I heard the busy streets ofLondonas I thought about how I could get a better job, I have had enough of cleaning.
When I arrived at the bank, I inspected the streets outside where I had to clean, and was thankful because there wasn’t much to clean. I felt the marble walls of the bank as I walked towards the very busy entrance. I allowed people to pass me before I entered the bank, and realised that everyone that passed was giving me an angry look. I thought to myself why this was happening and came to the conclusion that they think I am inferior to them because I am a cleaner. I felt upset because this was the reason, but I tried to cheer myself up by saying to myself I do not know why they were giving me this look, but in the back of my mind, I knew this was the reason and I still felt upset.
Once I obtained the broom inside the bank, I walked to the streets outside slowly, hoping something interesting will happen today. I began to sweep the streets outside, while I was looking for something interesting to happen, and I saw a masked man come towards the bank. I knew what was going to happen as soon as I saw him. He passed me and entered the bank quickly and at that point I heard screaming from inside the bank. I leant on the marble wall as I waited for this person to come outside the bank, I was thinking about the situation and what I was going to do with it. As I felt the smooth walls of the bank, I decided to not stop this person as nobody shows respect to me anymore, I was going to let him get away.
After a minute or two, the robber ran out of the bank with a bag, I felt bad as I had the chance to do something good, but I guess nobody deserves it. I decided to follow the robber, just to see what would happen to him. As he ran around the corner, I began to run in the direction he went, leaving the broom behind.
As I reached the corner, I slowed down and looked around it. What I saw was amazing. I saw the robber on the floor and a cleaner just like me, was holding him down, not letting him move. I heard police sirens come towards me as I watched the situation. The robber was shouting as loud as he could when he saw the police cars come towards him. The police came out of their cars as quickly as they could and pinned him down on the floor, helping the cleaner. After the police had put the robber into the police car, the policeman walked towards the cleaner and said to him “You have skill that the police could use, would you like to have a job at the police station”. The cleaner replied “I have been waiting for this moment for a long time, I hate my job and I would like to have a job at the police station, when can I start”. When I heard this I turned away from the situation and began to clean again.
I went home after I finished cleaning. I was gutted as the cleaner that obtained a job as a policeman could have been me, but I realised not everyone is the same, and some people do show respect to everyone. I slept that day, knowing I have missed a life changing opportunity.