Endrit, it is always such a pleasure to read your essays. Every time you submit a controlled assessment you demonstrate tangible improvement in your writing style and depth of analysis. In particular the strengths of this essay are in how you are now writing very clear statements that state your position and when you use quotations you explore them more fully. You’re using much more sophisticated sentence constructions which is in turn allowing you to express more subtle, comparative ideas.

To develop your work further you will want to:

  1. Use a much wider range of supporting quotations. Every time you make a point or a statement and every time you discuss an effect in a text, use a quotation to support it.
  2. Remember to identify the differences or similarities between the two texts in terms of ideas and language as you go through the essay – don’t limit this just to the introduction
  3. Prepare yourself better by developing a set of observations (in this case about women’s emotions) and find supporting quotations before you go into the assessment
  4. Interrogate the language further, finding and explaining more language devices each time you use a quotation.

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